Sunday, December 20, 2009

Man of the Year

So, Time anointed Ben Bernanke as Time Man of the Year for 2009. I guess a case could be made for him. After all, he was one of the participants in the economic meltdown of the Nation, although, to be fair, he was but one of many.
Frank Rich, NY Times Columnist, makes a fair case for Tiger. His case rests not so much on the simple fact of his headline dominance for the past few weeks. No, Rich’s case is that Tiger represents a peculiar class of personages in the country—the iconic human—perfect in all respects, except of course in reality. Tiger was/is very much a creation of the media and a fawning, and fairly gullible public. He’s one of a class, like Eliot Spitzer. Rich’s case is fairly convincing, but perhaps I might go one step beyond Tiger (anyway, I’m really tired of Tiger-News).
I would nominate as Person of the Year – Publicus Americanus, PA for short, a new class of humans residing in North America. PA is recognizable by the following characteristics:
1. Gullibility –PA will believe anything fed to him by the media, especially by the Faux News Network—anything that is, so long as it does not resemble reality. Reality is to be avoided.
2. Anti-Government – PA resembles nothing short of an anarchist, since he believes that anything undertaken by Government is necessarily evil, and probably incompetent. The odd exception to this ironclad rule seems to be our military killing machines. So long as it is engaged in blowing up things foreign, Government is fine.
3. Anti-European – PA seems to believe that all of Europe is hopelessly socialist, immoral, and elitist. They think they’re better than we are, just because they’re better educated, so they’re, ya’know, hoity toity.
4. Anti-Liberal – Since all members of the Democratic Party are either Liberals or Socialists, or Fascists, (PA has trouble keeping these disparate ideas separated)) they are not to be trusted on any subject. So, anything they propose—anything—is cause for alarm, and a tea party of some kind.
Now the other dominant characteristic of PA’s is that they don’t actually live in the real world. Instead, they reside permanently in a state of Altered Reality, mostly manufactured by FAUX News anchors and assorted other political bimbos (see Sarah Palin). They love TV shows like American Idol, the reality shows, and the survivor shows, mainly because they bear no resemblance to anything real. The reason George Bush was able to sell the Iraq War was because PAs were eager to believe his line of untruths and half truths. The only thing they cannot tolerate is reality, or perhaps, The Truth. They want, nay need to be lied to. And curiously, they mostly aren’t even on drugs. Remember that old joke—in the 1960s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now they take Prozac to make the weird world normal. PA seems hooked on the drug of FAUX News Altered Reality Shout-Outs. They can’t resist.
So, PA, you’re the Real Person(s) of the Year for 2009.
Time, eat your heart out.
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