Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Pay As You Go

Given that our current crop of neo-republicans seem opposed to paying for anything out of general revenues (i.e., tax revenues), I infer that their preferred model is a pay as you use system of (non)government.  Such a system might work as follows:
1.       Central Premise: you only pay for the government services you actually use.
2.       Education: if you have no kids enrolled in school, or you are not yourself enrolled, you would pay no local/county property taxes associated with education, and no federal or state taxes associated with education.  All costs of education would be borne by the users. And for those who hate the idea of public education, we could even consider eliminating all public education, relying on that old standard, private schools. For those who cannot afford such schools, educate your kids at home.
3.       Health care: We only pay for the health care we actually use. That means, of course, no insurance, private or public. So the Aetna’s and Blue Crosses of the world would cease to exist, as would the Health Care Financing Administration and its central program Medicare. If you get sick, go to a doctor’s office, or the ER and pay for the services rendered out of pocket. If you can’t afford to pay, don’t get sick.
4.       Health Research: Leave it to the drug companies. Eliminate NIH.
5.       Drug and Food Safety: Buy from your friendly neighborhood farmers. Stay away from drugs. Have you ever read the side effect notes on these things???
6.       Environmental Protection: The environment will take care of itself, thank you. So, eliminate all EPA functions at all levels of government.
7.       Workplace Safety: Gone. If your workplace is unsafe, go somewhere else to work.
8.       Unemployment Insurance: Gone. Get a job, you slackers.
9.       Business Regulation: Gone. Regulation of commercial entities is un-American. All business owners have the welfare of Americans in mind in all decision-making. What’s good for GM is good for America. Your friendly mega-banker is clearly a saint, and should be accorded such status by all you peasants.
10.   Rich people are good by any definition: The IRS and all tax codes will be eliminated. Taxing rich people especially is un-American.  To compensate for the loss of tax collectors, ATM machines will be placed in all homes and on all street corners. If you want something, whip out your debit/credit card and pay for it first. Example: if your home is being burglarized at 3:00 AM, there will be no police to call. Instead you will insert your ATM card into your home machine, hit 911 on the machine, enter your PIN code, and your friendly neighborhood vigilante group will be over shortly to take on those nasty burglars. Alternatively, just take out your AK-47 and spray the house with bullets.
11.   Traffic controls: there will be no police/sheriff/state highway patrols, so all drivers will have to control themselves. We will adopt the system of driving popular in Rome: ignore all vehicles behind you, focusing instead exclusively on the car in front of you.  If you cut off someone behind you, that’s their problem.
12.   Immigration: We will have no INS agents patrolling the borders. Instead, those living near our borders, will have to pay someone to build a big fence . . . or learn Spanish.
13.   Military: We will eliminate our military (there’s a big savings), so nobody can go and start any wars. If someone looks to be invading us, those who are in the way, are allowed to privately contract with Blackwater (Xe??) to counter the threat.
14.   Climate Controls: Climate is the work of God. It cannot be controlled. Anyone who says different is a liar, and a Liberal.
15.   Flooding, etc.: Move your house.
So, that’s the general idea. Everyone can do whatever they please. That’s Amurrica. Oh, except for those nasty gay and Lesbo types.  We’ll just have to dump them at sea I guess.
Oh, and there won’t be any voting nonsense, because there won’t be any voting. The neo-republicans, aided by their Christian Taliban allies will decide who is in charge, whenever someone needs to be in charge.
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