Sunday, May 17, 2009

Under the Radar

So, the latest Republican Party strategic vision is really fascinating. It includes a number of important components, each of which constitutes a vital tactical arm of Neo-Republicanism, formerly known as Neo-Conism. First of course, there is the unchained Dick Cheney arm. In case you haven’t been paying attention, Dickie-Bird has left his spiderhole and is appearing on Fox-Friendly News shows, extolling the virtues of his Administration, The Dickie-Bird Presidency. Dickie-Bird has been very busy talking up torture, which he regards as his defining moment, that specific event in a person’s life when he knows he has hit his stride, and is in synch with his personal demons.
Then there is the Sarah-the-Impaler arm. Sarah was such a big hit on the Republican talk circuit before and even after the election, that she has decided to encode all of her wisdom in a memoir that she hopes will be carried on the Oprah Show. She has decided that her memoir might be as long as three pages, if she writes in big letters. She will begin at the beginning. In the Beginning, Sarah created the Russian Vision-Thing. Sarah will, of course, be assisted ably by Bristol, who has taken over as the National Spokesperson for the Republican Abstinence Program Education. Her followers, along with those people who follow the Catholic Rhythm Method are known colloquially as Parents.
The third arm, perhaps the most important of all, is the “We’re opposed to Obama’s choice for Supreme Court” tactical arm. This group, which includes the remainder of the Neo-Republicans, is working diligently on specific opposition arguments that can be switched on at will, depending on who is nominated. There is the “He/She is an Active Abortionist” argument, the “He/She is Gay” argument, and the "He/She is an Activist Judge” argument. The latter is designed as the official fallback argument that can be used on any candidate, should either of the first two fail to dissuade Congress from approving Obama’s scandalous candidates, regardless of who they might be.
We have been told (unconfirmed, of course) that Dickie-Bird plans to invite any candidates, who look to be approvable, on a quail-hunting outing.
And elsewhere, the Catholic Church has been outed in Ireland as the dominant source of child abuse in the nation. The Pope has been too busy traveling to comment.
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