So, It’s Over?

I am dumbstruck looking at pictures of our globe. The pictures of France and Spain are quite enough to terrify anyone watching. But sitting here in Concord, North Carolina, with some moderate weather expected, one is tempted to sigh and then go on to the next Facebook picture. But then I observe a picture of our entire globe and see red indicating fires in almost every corner.  And the fires seem so fierce that hundreds of professional firefighters equipped with their modern trucks and planes, throwing water everywhere, seem completely incapable of even slowing down the fires. And then President Stupidhead, instead of gathering our resources to assist in at least reducing the fire damage, spends his precious time yelling at people, and throwing tariffs. Imagine, our Canadian neighbors are experiencing massive fires right on our border, and, instead of helping them, our dumbass president is throwing tariffs at them, and yelling at them for messing up our air quality.  And I note that our Pacific Northwest has begun seeing some of these fires. But again, he is doing nothing,

So, now, I begin to wonder, Are we at the end of an Earthly existence? If there is a God, is she walking away laughing at our idiocy? How, I wonder, do we compare with some of her creations on a planet in some other galaxy?  Because we seem to have brought on these firestorms. They are not accidental, but rather human-induced.  All of the varied money-sets who have for decades ignored the climate effects of our investment patterns, are now watching and doubtless blaming everyone but themselves.

So, maybe life is really ending on Earth. And Trump can finally cease his idiotic and illegal war against Iran. But to be fair, there is nowhere for Trump to go either. He cannot escape to a nearby galaxy, because we do not know how to do that. No, instead, he and his BFF Elon will have to sit in their air conditioned palaces as the walls of doom begin gathering about them. He doesn’t even drink wine, so he will not be able to pour a nice glass of Cabernet and toast Elon, by saying, “Well, friend, at least no one else will be able to survive this either. So here’s to us buddy”.

And then slowly, painfully, it will all end, and our little God will also disappear, because, after all, we invented her.

The End May Be Near

I was listening to a newscast yesterday and they began reporting on the weather in Europe, and, more specifically, France. They reported on extreme heat, extensive fires, and serious water issues in Paris. It sounded like France was collapsing. And I began thinking, maybe life is nearing its end. Perhaps we are at the end of a civilized life on Earth. We seem to be dealing now with extremes. Either some area is burning down, or the rains are flooding a different region. It’s as though there are no normals any longer.  And the people in charge seem not to want to discuss this thing called weather. And that may be because they would then be drawn into a discussion of all the man-made interventions that individually have now added up to a disaster. We won’t do anything about emissions control, so our emissions of stuff like carbon dioxide have continued to change the natural course of the weather. It all seems so unlikely, but now the full reality of our lack of interest in sensible controls over our own actions has begun taking root in drastically modifying our environment and, specifically, our climate.

The question in my mind now is, can we still modify our actions so as to return to “normal” patterns of climate, or is it too late? I fear the latter has taken hold.  Partly my conclusion here is governed by what I observe in our current government. Trump seems to have eliminated our entire health system of expertise—FDA, CDC, NIH, et all—so that we will no longer have any internal controls over disastrous public policies affecting the environment.  So now, he is guided by the idiots in his administration –so many idiots, so little time.

And whatever the level of yelling at Trump, he seems capable of ignoring all commentary from opposition forces.  I keep seeing postings about how someone is filing something that may cause him to be stopped, but then he just keeps on truck’n,

Now, I know that my gloomy mental state is partly due to my loving wife’s departure from this Earth. Yes, that has left me with a doomy view of our world. But, partly, Donald Trump keeps on acting stupidly and his political party has apparently given up on any kind of thinking that might affect his actions.  Might the rest of the world begin swerving away and leave America to its own rush to climate disaster? That is possible, since we really do seem to be the dumbest kids on the block.  But that picture I painted initially of France and its disastrous weather, raises serious questions in my mind. Have we already proceeded too far towards a climate disaster?  And my response? Maybe, and we still have a couple of years of the Donald pushing us in the direction of total Climate collapse and the end of Life on Earth. Fun, Huh?

Dying

 That Dying Thing

We sat there by her bedside, watching over her, with Erika doing the actual checking and administering pain meds as needed. We spoke with her and listened carefully to see if we could detect her voice trying to speak.  Then finally, she stopped breathing. Her brain gave out and she was gone. No more pain, but also no more life. And Carol was gone. Yes we use this term to imply a voyage of some kind. But in reality her voyage simply ceased.  Her brain ceased to function and that signals the end of life.

And then I sat there looking at her, or rather looking at what used to be Carol.  Because Carol, the longtime Love of My life, had just ceased to operate.  And I continued to function, thinking of her. I might speak with her, but she would no longer respond, because her brain had ceased to function.  And now, I was actually alone.  She is in my brain still, but she is all part with me. My brain is now Carol’s.

And now, weeks later, I still sense her presence. I will be sitting watching television, and I turn to her next to me to ask her something. But next to me is now empty.  Well, Midnight our cat might be next to me, but he does not speak in a language I comprehend.  And I go to sleep at night in our bed, still in my accustomed place on our bed. And then, in the middle of the night, I awaken slightly because I think I feel her moving next to me. But No, it is again Midnight.

And then I vaguely awaken. It is 5 o’clock, still too early, but my brain has begun to function, even if only half functioning.  But my awakening has begun.  And then I decide to awaken and arise. Now my brain begins to function.  But then, for the rest of the day, I will function with her at my side.  And I have begun to think of this phase as some early dying stage. I am still functional, but something is missing. Maybe the dying has begun. But how long will this last . . . until I actually die in X days/months/years? Maybe. Perhaps this is life AFTER losing the single most important thing in your LIFE. Odd  . . . very odd.

Yet Another Day

 And so another day is going by without her.  I am surviving, but just barely. I am fortunate because I have loving family, daughters who care and are willing to do lots of things to help keep me alive and healthy.

But as I remain alive, I keep looking around me. I am constantly reminded that humankind occupy this tiny piece of earth in this vast universe.  And that humankind often seem to think about how important they are. Whereas, all of humankind is a mere speck of dust in this vast universe. I have lived a mere 91 years in a universe that seems millions of years old. But we don’t even know that. We simply make up stuff based on the vast evidence around us. Mostly though, we ignore the vastness of this universe and pretend that we Earthlings are what matters. And lately, we have begun imagining that individual creatures, Donald Trump, for example, are even more important than the rest of us.

As a result, that particular piece of vermin is beginning to shape shift into a different kind of creature.  He thinks of himself as somehow more important than the rest of us. And he has creatures around him, Mike Johnson for example, who cry out to all other mortals about how important is his bossman.

And now, because of his bossman, people, kids especially, may be dying because that creature has begun removing those things that keep those children alive.  And his MAGAHeads, the population of idiot-malenfants who surround him, keep cheering him on and yelling at other normal creatures to leave the bossman alone.

And all this just reminds me that fairly obviously, there is no God out there looking out for us humanfolk.  Nope, we’re all alone in this vast universe. And whatever we do here has no serious effect out there in that vast universe. So, even were there a God, she would simply ignore us and go back to playing cards with the other gods, or whatever it is Gods do all day long.

So, with my lifelong sweetie gone from this earth, I am forced to still tune into the doings of that humankind and watch the Donald Trumps of the world and their BFFs (Vlad the Impaler) destroy this lovely, even if tiny, piece of this universe. Yeah, America, you are just a teeny-tiny speck of dust in this universe and Donald Trump is even tinier.  Trump is like a roach who settled into America so as to destroy it. And he is doing such a good job at his destructive mission.  Good thing we’re not a bigger part, or those MAGAHead idiots might actually threaten even this entire universe. And they won’t even know what they are doing.

Is There a God?

 Having now lost my trusted soulmate of over 70 years, my wife Carol,  I am forced to turn my head towards people still alive, so I can begin wondering WHY? Why do they remain, while my loving wife is gone? I observe many comments about God lately. How it is so wonderful that we have a loving God and that that creature created us all.

But then, I am forced to stop. Really folks? You think there is a God who created all this stuff, and all these people? Your God created Donald Trump and his hordes of awful family and even worse friends. God created Pete Hegseth? Why would God do such a thing?

And also . . . God Created Vlad the Impaler Putin? Oh, and thinking of Trump and Putin, God created Adolph Hitler? Really? And you seriously worship THAT GOD?

So, with the passing of my loving wife, I am now being drawn inevitably to the notion that either there is a God, and she pays no attention, or all of this is merely some weird bioaccident. Maybe God wasn’t paying attention and she knocked over something and our universe resulted from that accident. And then, again because she was not paying attention, evolution occurred and things began forming out of nothing all over that accidental universe.  And one of the more pathetic formations that resulted was humankind. And everything since has been simply an extension of that original accident.

In some weird way, perhaps again because she is not paying attention—maybe she’s playing cards with other Gods?—humans mutated into this collection we find in front of us. Look at this collection of idiot-malenfants surrounding Trump.  I mean, I don’t know who/what surrounded Hitler, but this bunch could well be worse—both on the competence level and on that evil thing.

And again, she is clearly not paying attention, or hopefully she would step in and begin making corrections. But I think the Trumpy MAGAHeads are evidence that God either does not care, or simply never pays attention to what occurs on this teeny-tiny extension of the vast universe she created by accident.

So, I assume that means that we are stuck with it. For all purposes, there is no God ready to step in to fix the crap being created by the Trumpy’s.  So, folks, I guess if you like what is happening then good on you. But if you are more normal human creations, you Hate what is going on. And now, it is really waaaaayyy past time to step in and correct it. First by throwing out everyone and everything associated with Trump – EVERYTHING.  Maybe package them up and ship them ALL to maybe Pluto.  Then begin anew to recreate America the way our founding fathers envisioned.

But I don’t know. I hope that is possible, but it may not be and maybe we are at an end. If so, BY By Humankind. It was nice being here. But perhaps all good things actually do come to an end.  We shall see won’t we?

 

And so another day has begun. Ahh, but this day is so different. My love of more than 70 years has passed on, May 26^th to be precise. She suffered for a while from one or more conditions, and her body finally gave up its battle. And Carol Schmidt has now left me, and, more to the point, she has left you. She was loved and respected in so many spheres and by so many people that it is difficult to assure that all who knew her now realize she is no longer with us.

Carol’s life was so embedded with mine that her passing is too difficult for me to describe.  But, however close she was to me, and that was very close, she affected so many people in so many ways.  Her three children, her grandchildren, her great grandchildren all knew her well and respected her love and caring.  Carol was surrounded by love and passed on her love every minute of every day.

But Carol also gave back to our world.  She spent so many hours of each day creating quilts for sick kids at our local Jeff Gordon Children’s Hospital, creating over time hundreds of quilts, each one to make a sick child a little happier.

She also worked with our local library, teaching folks who could not read or write English well, to do it all a little better. She was loved for her work.

She was an amazing chef, mainly for me, but also for kids, grand kids, Greats, and good friends. So many people were so happy because of her cooking skills, and the love included.

But I felt our 70+ years together as a precious gift we gave to each other. We traveled the country and the world together. We lived in New York, and California, and India, and Massachusetts and Maryland, before arriving at our final homestead in North Carolina. WE loved our life here and it was reciprocated by all those around us. There are too many tales to tell, but mainly there is the LOVE. We loved each other so much and Carol was so much a part of me. When people now ask, “How are you?” I do not know how to answer. Because my brain is so filled with my now departed loving wife.

My LOVE, I Love you. You are still a large part of my brain. You are loved. I still think of July 2, 1955 as the day my real life began. You may be gone, My Love, But you will never be forgotten.