Saturday, November 28, 2009

Black Friday, Tiger Woods, and the Secret Service

We apparently live in interesting times, even aside from our crazed Foxpublicans.
Black Friday came and went and nobody died, and that’s a good thing. Wal-Mart apparently opened its doors to a less unruly crowd of bargain hunters this year, and “let the games begin”. I wonder how big the discounts were on the Alaska Barbie book? By most accounts, shoppers were interested in serious bargains, and the shoppes accommodated by stocking at least three of each of their serious bargains. We have never attempted to master the black art of Black Friday shopping. But we are not what one might call “serious shoppers”. We prefer the Black Friday deals on the Internet. We can sit in the comfort of our home, with a nice cup of morning coffee, and browse to our heart’s content. I always assume that Black Friday shoppers learn their craft by observing the commodity traders on Wall Street. I am much too intimidated to imitate those crazies. So Black Friday passed us by once again. Such is life.
Then I noticed an e-mail from our BBC and ABC news connections that our boy Tiger tried to back out of his driveway at 2:00 AM, careened into a fire hydrant and wound up semi-conscious and unable to get out of the car—his wife had to smash his windows with one of his favorite golf clubs to free him. Huh??? And alcohol was not involved??? Yeah, right . . . and if you buy that one, I have this nice old bridge in Brooklyn that I’d like to sell you.
But the really weird one is the couple who gate-crashed the first Obama state dinner, in tux and flowing gown no less. Somehow, the Secret Service neglected to check their invitations and they just strolled on in and introduced themselves to the President, and the Vice President. Happily, the couple used their camera, instead of a Mach 9 pistol to preserve their evening. Are you f…..g kidding me??? The Secret Service is now imitating the FBI and the CIA-- you remember them—the guys who missed 9/11 and the collapse of the Soviet Union. I’d like to believe that their apparent screw-up has nothing to do with the fact of a first black president, and more to do with the fact that the Service is now part of the Department of Homeland Security, that very large agency that is unable to extricate its multiple heads from its multiple assholes. That’s the agency that Shrub created after his buddies in the CIA and the FBI screwed up and allowed a bunch of Saudi Arabians living in Afghanistan to destroy the World Trade Center. For guys who hate big gubment, they really know how to prove their point. So, now we’re left with a bunch of over-armed national police forces that probably couldn’t compete with the Iraqi police. Bet they can still waterboard, though.
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