Wednesday, June 2, 2010

The BP Roller Coaster

OK, guys, Top Kill didn’t work, so what’s next? Any ideas, here? Pass the whiskey bottle.
OK, here’s my idea. See, we take a really large charge of dynamite, and ignite it, and cover the whole mess with tons of dirt, and . . .
Hold it, hold it. We already tried burying it in dirt. That was Sam’s idea, and that didn’t even slow it down.
OK, so how about this . . . we shoot one of those bombs at it that penetrate the earth before exploding. That way, we will bury the damned thing in dirt way down below the gusher at the surface.
Hmmm . . . What happens if it just creates an even bigger hole and keeps on gushing?
I need a swig, pass the bottle . . .
So, no ideas?
Well, I hate to suggest this, but maybe we could con someone who has his finger on the red button to nuke it. That would create a big hole, but it would then collapse on itself and bury the whole mess.
Ahem, wouldn’t that just make the entire Gulf radioactive?
Yeah, but it wouldn’t be us doing it . . . the Prez would have to authorize that, and then it would be his fault.

And so it goes in the upper echelon conference rooms of the British Petroleum corporation.
So, I’m wondering now, since these bozos seem not to have a clue what they are doing, what happens if they just run out of ideas (not that they've had any actual, you know, ideas)? What’s the worst case here, and is anyone willing to prepare for that worst case? As I see it, we need to know how much of the black stuff is down there, and what would happen to the Gulf if it all just continues to pour out. Suppose it’s Christmas 2010, and it’s still pouring out unchecked? Or, maybe December 2011. What happens then?

Is BP willing to buy out Louisiana, and all the other states that border the Gulf? Oh, and what about Mexico? Is BP willing to buy out Mexico?
And then what do we do? Just mothball everything that touches the Gulf, and hope that maybe in a couple hundred years, good old Mom Nature would have dissipated the oil?

The clock is running out guys.
Does anyone out there know what to do here?

Anyone?
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