Wednesday, December 29, 2010

2011: A Wish List

The year looms ahead. Many days in which to revel in the joys and blessings of life, or to despair of mankind’s continued unwillingness to be kind. Which will fulfill our coming year? I hope . . . I hope for:
1.      The Pope – Since the pope continues to believe, or act, as though he still had some moral authority in the Christian world, it  would be nice to hear him begin to utter words about his priests doing penance. Maybe they need to do a bit more than say a few Hail Mary’s. Perhaps the more
morally degraded among them might be asked to spend the rest of their days working in leper colonies (do they still exist?), or feeding the poor in soup kitchens, and never again uttering a word to anyone.  And also. Mr. Pope, could you kindly butt out of other people’s business, and stick to Christianity?  I know that Muslims are always blowing things and people up, but really, you have enough to do to keep Christians on the straight and narrow. So, chill out on the other folks, huh?

2.      The President – I voted for you, I worked door to door to help get you elected, and I continue to believe that you are the brightest, most thoughtful guy we’ve had in a long, long time as the Prez. But, maybe in 2011, it’s time to move beyond the community negotiator thing. The PERPs who are trying to run you down (you know who they are) have no interest in compromising on anything.  So, start acting as our President, and Commander in Chief. If they are able to prevent accomplishing things that are right for the Nation, continue to try, but be sure the American people understand who is acting against their interests. We know that the PERPs are owned, lock, stock, and barrel by their corporate Lords, so they can’t really act differently. Their Lords wouldn’t permit them to act like civilized people.  Perhaps you need to go to the source—the Lords of the land-- and begin working with them.  Maybe invite the Koch Brothers to lunch.

3.      Haley Barbour, Sarah Barbie, Joe Miller, Newt Gingrich – put a sock in it for a while guys. I realize you will come out of your crypts during 2012, but give us a break for the coming year. Take up knitting or something, but please, just shut up.

4.      Our Military Command – Please, please, spend the coming year figuring out some way to get out of Afghanistan. If there is no way to “Achieve Victory” so as to make Old Man McCain happy, that’s OK. The Afghan’s intend to continue living in the 13th or 14th century, so let them. Bring our treasure and our guys home. Just leave a note as you leave—if they let Osama Bin Laden loose again, you will level the Himalaya’s, and turn it into a radioactive desert.

5.      The Democrats – Guys, it’s time to begin acting as though someone is in charge. You can’t continue acting like a bunch of dingbat frat boys and expect to win friends and influence people.  So at least pretend that you’re about something of value to America. Oh, and a little discipline please? When you decide to do something, get your guys on board first.  Say, here’s a thought. Ask Jon Stewart to come aboard periodically (part time, please, cuz we still need him to make us laugh) and tell you when it’s time to act like adults. Maybe a monthly lunch with Jon where he gets to yell at you would be good.

6.      There’s probably more, but that’s enough for now.  Don’t drink too much . . . oh, why
not?  New Year’s Eve is made for acting foolish, just do it at home, so nobody gets hurt. Ta ta . . .
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