Saturday, December 22, 2012

The NRA Dance

And so the NRA (Mr. LaPierre) has spoken. We need Patrick Stewart to utter those fateful words . . . “make it so Mr. Spock”.

But, I was thinking of that damnable Fiscal Cliff thingie. So, I wondered where Mr. LaPierre expects us to get all the money to place armed security guards in every school in America? I am told by reliable sources (Wikileaks . . . or was it the Mayan calendar??) that there are some 27,000 high schools in America.  So, assuming that we have, say five feeder schools for every high school, that makes about 135,000 schools (or rounding up a bit, maybe 200,000 schools—my math was never too good). So, that suggests the need for a couple gazillion dollars—you do the math, please.
So, where does all that moolah come from?
Well, I have an idea. I know that Mr. LaPierre has been so generous in sharing his ideas with us on how to stop the gun violence that he would love to share the burden by paying for his solution. So, how about this:
1.       A special tax is levied by Congress on NRA membership, say $100 per member. That would bring in maybe $450 million.

2.       Then Congress could levy a special annual tax on all guns owned in the US. I am suggesting a tax of one dollar per caliber. So, if you own one 22 caliber rifle, your tax would be $22/year.  If, because of the size of your penis, you happen to own, say, 30 guns going all the way up to 50 caliber machine guns, your tax might be a bit higher.

3.     Finally, Congress could impose a purchase tax on ammunition, at a rate of one penny per caliber. So, a box of, say 100, 22 caliber bullets would cost you only $22. What a bargain. And, see, that would make all gunners way more cautious about wanting to shoot up an elementary school.  Simple economics.
So, I suggest we all write to our Congresspersons to endorse the idea of the special taxes, as a way of supporting Mr. LaPierre.
Oh, and I assume that this special task--guarding our schools-- would be given to each state’s State Police Force. They really, really need something to do beyond managing the daily wreckage on our interstate highway system from cars and tractor trailers interacting.  See, that's called a win-win.
Always thinking . .
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