Monday, December 31, 2012

Thinking 2013

Well, it's coming, ready or not . . . 2013 that is. Regardless of what our Congressional malenfants do, or do not do, 2013 will arrive shortly on our shores. Susan Collins of Maine asserted that, should her Congressional colleagues fail to act, we the American people might think they are incapable of governing . . . heaven forfend as the Will might say. What ever gave her the idea that we, the American people, believed that Congress might actually govern some day?? They are the very essence of dysfunction. When one of the leaders of the royal, loyal opposition declares that his single aim while in office is to ensure that President Obama was a one-term president, we can safely conclude they are all about nothing.
So, as we slide over the cliff, let us hoist our glass of champagne and toast the Ausssies, as they celebrate . . .
Happy New Year Oz. We wish you the best . . .



Oh, but lest I forget, we are busily preparing (actually Carol is busily preparing) our evenings repast. As some of you know, we rarely enter the outside world on New Year's Eve, preferring to spend it with our own company, seeing as how we still like each other after 57+ years. So, tonight, as the clocks tick down, we shall begin with our nightly hot tub, sitting in the bubbly hot water and chatting. Then we shall begin our feast of the New Year's Eve. Our standard fare includes:
Caesar Salad
Swedish meatballs
Cold shrimp with cocktail sauce
Baby clams sauteed slowly in garlic butter til they open
Freshly baked (by Carol) sourdough bread, with which one can soak up the garlic butter.
Something sweet.
And of course, we shall pop a bottle of wine, or champagne, still to be determined.
And while all this eating is going on, we shall watch our favorite film of all time, Casablanca, the most romantic movie ever made.
It remains to be seen whether, at our increasingly advanced age we shall remain awake until midnight. Generally we do, but of late we have trouble making it to 10:00. We shall try, of course, but if not, the daybreak will still greet us in the accustomed manner, and the new day will still represent the newest day of the New Year, 2013.
So, there it, we have a plan.
Happy New Year to all who can still read . . .



























 
 
 

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Camp Boehner

This just in. Camp Boehner has just released a candid photo of the Speaker at work in his retreat--the Speaker's Camp David, where he goes to develop his plans, the last one being the famous Plan B, of course. The Speaker, always working for America.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Season of the Grinch


So, the seasons change once again . . . it is rumored that the Season of the Grinch is upon us.  At homes all over America, this scene is being re-enacted hourly . . .
 

Yes, the colorful lights are going out all over the towns in middle America, in preparation for the Season of the Grinch, in which the Republican Grinches attempt to steal all the goodies bestowed on the 99% during the season of caring, aka, Christmas.  Indeed, the senior Grinch in Washington DC has been sighted at various subway stops all over town in the Nation’s capital.
 
And the lemmings have been taking practice dives off various high places throughout the capital. Indeed some lemmings have even been sighted leaping off the Smithsonian Castle, the better to prepare themselves for their leap off the fiscal cliff in several days.
 

And the Speaker of the House, a Mr. John Boner, an employee of the Cock Brothers, has officially signaled the beginning of this season, with his proclamation that the 47% have mooched long enough and his 1% employers will no longer tolerate their antics. “Indeed”, he declared, “if not stopped, they may begin thinking they are actual Americans, and we cannot tolerate that.”
 
Mr. Boner further declared that, as soon as the Grinches have done their thing, it will once again be the Season of the Witch, one of his all-time favorite seasons . . . Soon, soon he promises we will again see sightings of some of his favorite witches, most of whom are now practicing in the backrooms of the Speaker’s home base.

 So, prepare yourselves, you 99%ers. It’s time to hunker down, perhaps just after you write your favorite hometown Grinch in Congress to ask for mercy.  "Not the Cliff, Not the Cliff" should be your opening line in your message to your guy in Congress.
And, should you decide that discretion is the better part of valor, and it may be time to leave the country, consider taking your relatives with you as you seek shelter in some country more freedom-loving . . .
 

And in other news, The Faux News Network has reported that the Russian Duma has acted to declare the National Rifle Association and its wholly owned subsidiary, the Republican Party, as terrorist organizations, to be sanctioned by the United Nations. Mr. Putin has indicated his intent to sign this latest declaration.
Thaaaat's all folks . . .

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Happy Holidays

Well, it's that time of year again. Hannukah has just completed, Kwanzaa will be upon us.  Diwali, India's Festival of Lights passed by a month ago, and now the Christmas season is upon us. It is time for us to forgive our transgressors, the LaPierre's of the world, and focus on the world's goodness, and on doing good. Spread some kindness.

Perhaps feed someone or something in need . . .

And take special care to protect the young ones in our care . . .

 
Take time out from our busy schedules . . . put down our phones, and observe the beauty in our lives . . .
 
 
Look your children in the eyes. You will see beauty.
 
 
 Look around you at this beautiful world . . .
 
 
and then , relax and hoist one for the gipper.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you . . .
 
 
 
 
 


Saturday, December 22, 2012

The NRA Dance

And so the NRA (Mr. LaPierre) has spoken. We need Patrick Stewart to utter those fateful words . . . “make it so Mr. Spock”.

But, I was thinking of that damnable Fiscal Cliff thingie. So, I wondered where Mr. LaPierre expects us to get all the money to place armed security guards in every school in America? I am told by reliable sources (Wikileaks . . . or was it the Mayan calendar??) that there are some 27,000 high schools in America.  So, assuming that we have, say five feeder schools for every high school, that makes about 135,000 schools (or rounding up a bit, maybe 200,000 schools—my math was never too good). So, that suggests the need for a couple gazillion dollars—you do the math, please.
So, where does all that moolah come from?
Well, I have an idea. I know that Mr. LaPierre has been so generous in sharing his ideas with us on how to stop the gun violence that he would love to share the burden by paying for his solution. So, how about this:
1.       A special tax is levied by Congress on NRA membership, say $100 per member. That would bring in maybe $450 million.

2.       Then Congress could levy a special annual tax on all guns owned in the US. I am suggesting a tax of one dollar per caliber. So, if you own one 22 caliber rifle, your tax would be $22/year.  If, because of the size of your penis, you happen to own, say, 30 guns going all the way up to 50 caliber machine guns, your tax might be a bit higher.

3.     Finally, Congress could impose a purchase tax on ammunition, at a rate of one penny per caliber. So, a box of, say 100, 22 caliber bullets would cost you only $22. What a bargain. And, see, that would make all gunners way more cautious about wanting to shoot up an elementary school.  Simple economics.
So, I suggest we all write to our Congresspersons to endorse the idea of the special taxes, as a way of supporting Mr. LaPierre.
Oh, and I assume that this special task--guarding our schools-- would be given to each state’s State Police Force. They really, really need something to do beyond managing the daily wreckage on our interstate highway system from cars and tractor trailers interacting.  See, that's called a win-win.
Always thinking . .

Thursday, December 20, 2012

End of the World Party


The end of the world will begin in about 15 hours, give or take a few minutes, depending on how precise the Mayans were.  Aside from figuring out what to wear to an end of the world party, I have been trying to think how we might end it in a fun fashion. And, living here in Concord, NC, the land of NASCAR racing, and many, many gun lovers,  I suddenly thought that, we could bring together those grand traditions for a real, bang-up end of the world party at the Concord NASCAR Speedway.
How about, if we get all the great NASCAR racers to modify their cars just a bit, by opening up half of the roof to accommodate a mounted, fully automatic 50-caliber machine gun.  Each car would have its driver and a gunner in the car. Then we would invite all the great NASCAR fans who love to attend the races, in hopes of someone maybe crashing and blowing up. But, each fan would have to bring his own weapon of choice, preferably a semi-automatic assault rifle of some kind (Bushmaster anyone??).
Then the race would start. The starting time would have to be arranged to accommodate the end of the world, say four hours in advance.  The idea would be to see whether any of the drivers and their cars could finish before the world ends.  Here’s the concept. As the cars race around the track at 150 miles per hour or so, the fans would begin shooting at the cars. In return, the gunners in each car would begin firing their machine guns at the crowd—it would be sort of a race to see who could outlast who—the racers and their gunners, or the fans. And it would be no fair for the fans to duck and take cover. No sirree. They would have to stand up in the stands while firing their weapons.
Think of the grand mayhem. Think of the noise, with all those guns blazing, cars crashing at high speed . . . the smoke, the crowd roaring. Wow! What a party. The beer and Jack Daniels would be free of course.  It would be best to end the party thoroughly plastered. What fun!!

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Beethoven's Birthday

So, Frohliche Geburtstag, Ludwig.  You're a mensch. And my man, congratulations. You don't look a day over 240, and don't let anyone tell you different.  I'll bet the Bonn townies still hoist a stein of lager in your name. And I have to tell you, your Violin Concerto in D is a masterpiece. Nothing by that little putz Mozart can touch it. And you were only 36 when you wrote it . . . a mere boy.
So, Luddie, have a great day up there. I hope they have some vintage champagne for you.
And again, Happy Birthday, my man. You're the best.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

NRA Thanks

I guess it’s time we thank the National Rifle Association for keeping us all, including our little children, safe and for protecting our second amendment rights from the likes of that socialist-fascist crypto commie from Indonesia-Kenya, who wants to take all of our 50 caliber machine guns and anti-tank weapons away from us.  So, yes, NRA, thank you. And I’m certain that the parents of all those kindergartners around the country whose kids are not now dead suddenly will want to thank you personally for the fine protections you afford us.  After all, there were probably 20,000 elementary schools around the country without having a single shot fired at their children yesterday.
And Mr. Boehner, please don’t think that now is the time to have an intelligent conversation about guns in America. No, later, much later, Mr. Boehner. At least wait until Mr. laPierre can fill your stocking with some much needed cash before you even think about conversations about such things.  No, we understand that this is the season of love and merriment. Wouldn’t want to mess it all up with talk about 26 dead people in Connecticut, 20 of whom were between the ages of 5 and 10.
Oh, and you too Mr. Murdoch, and your Faux News Network whores, all of whom decried Mr. Costa’s remarks about guns a week or so ago. Yes, we should also thank you and your bevy of fine whores for helping to protect us.
I am thinking that we should all consider sending the NRA and even Mr. Murdoch a Christmas card, and perhaps a little gift. As for gift ideas, I have a nifty for the head of the NRA. Since Mr. LaPierre and his colleagues have been so successful at protecting our right to own and bear automatic weapons, they are no longer a concern. Next would be dynamite vests. Yes, I am certain that our Founders would have included dynamite vests in the Second Amendment had they only known what they were. So, perhaps, to get the NRA started on lobbying for protections, perhaps the more gifted among us might begin knitting personalized dynamite vests for the head of the NRA and all the Faux News whores who pimp for gun rights.  Remember, dynamite doesn’t kill people. Only people can kill people . .  .
And a little Christmas card for Mr. LaPierre would be in order also. Something perhaps like the one below, just to show our appreciation for all their hard work.

 
Tis the season.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Ravi Shankar

Another great talent , Ravi Shankar, has left this world. Well, technically, he didn’t really leave anywhere. He simply ceased to function. But at the age of 92, Mr. Shankar led a long and very productive life. He shared his amazing musical talent with the world. Although he began his music in India, studying under one of the great musicians of his time, Allauddin Khan, a disciple of Wazir Khan, who was a direct descendent of the legendary Tansen, the chief musician of the Mughal emperor Akbar, he moved beyond his home countryside. We were lucky enough to see and hear Mr. Shankar perform on several occasions in New Delhi during the 1960s, and then later in Washington at the Kennedy Center and in Charlotte. Listening to him play was a transcendent experience. Even to the uninitiated, his Indian musical performances were amazing.  He was a true global talent, carrying his music well beyond India. He played with jazz groups, western classical groups and with the likes of the Beatles. He literally filled the airs of the world with music that uplifted one.

Thank you Mr. Shankar for sharing your talents with us. You dazzled the world.
The Manchester Guardian has published a wonderful obituary on Mr. Shankar, which you may read at this site:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2012/dec/12/ravi-shankar-dies?CMP=EMCNEWEML1355

Friday, December 7, 2012

Republican UN Conspiracists

So, the republican party is so hung up on the United Nations that they have now refused to ratify a UN convention on, of all things, disability rights that was modeled on our own Americans with Disabilities Act.  So, this puts republicans in the same group as, say the Vatican, led by its Nazi pope. The Vatican has indicated that, at present, it will not be signing the new, widely-heralded international treaty to protect the rights and dignity of people living with disabilities.  The Holy See says that, despite reassurances to the contrary, it is concerned that the treaty's inclusion of a reference to "sexual and reproductive health" could be construed as promoting abortion.

And now, led by Republican opposition, the Senate on Tuesday rejected that very same United Nations treaty on the rights of the disabled. With 38 Republicans casting "no" votes, the 61-38 vote fell five short of the two-thirds majority needed to ratify a treaty. The vote took place in an unusually solemn atmosphere, with senators sitting at their desks rather than milling around the podium. Former Senate Majority Leader Bob Dole, looking frail and in a wheelchair, was in the chamber to support the treaty, as was the old guy John McCain.

The treaty, already signed by 155 nations and ratified by 126 countries, including Britain, France, Germany, China and Russia, states that nations should strive to assure that the disabled enjoy the same rights and fundamental freedoms as their fellow citizens. Republicans objected to taking up a treaty that could pose a threat to U.S. national sovereignty. "I do not support the cumbersome regulations and potentially overzealous international organizations with anti-American biases that infringe upon American society," said Sen. Jim Inhofe, R-Okla.

Really Jim?? Really? You’re afraid of the UN trying to enforce a convention already in place here in the US of A?? What else are you afraid of Jim? How about the Girl Scouts of America? Are you afraid of them, too?

Could we be any more pathetic than to be one of the only nations on earth to be opposed to supporting the rights of the disabled? What else do republicans have in their little kit bag of absurdities? Opposition to food aid?

Well, on that same front, the teabagger of the year, senator Jim DeMint has announced that he will follow the lead of that other teabagger favorite, Sarah Bimbo Palin and renounce his seat in the Senate, thereby sticking his finger in the eyes of the people who elected him, in order to make a lot more money as head of that old favorite of the Neo-Con fringe, the Heritage Foundation. Yep, he learned the lesson promulgated by Sarah Bimbo—when the brass ring comes around, you better grab it, you betcha, cuz it might not come around again. I expect we’ll see Jimmy on the Faux News Network talk shows, reaping in the harvest of geld, which is the only thing republicans actually worship. Way to go republicans.