Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Open Letter to Vlad

Letter to Vlad
So, Vlad, baby, what the hell are you thinking/? This is the early part of the 21st century and you’re thinking it’s still 1950?  Look Vlad, we’re in a new era now. I realize that the Muslims of the Arab world still act as though they’re living in 1250, but I thought maybe you were a modern man.
Look, just because John McCain resides mentally somewhere in 1970, looking for a way to win the Vietnam War, does not mean that you need to still try to figure out a way to avert the collapse of the Soviet Empire.  It’s gone baby. But look, on the bright side, you still have mighty Russia, and potentially it’s bigger and bolder than ever. You just need to cool it on the war machine.
I know, I know, who are we to be preaching to you about avoiding military options. But, do you really want to emulate us? Remember your Afghan adventure? Worse than the Brits. And ten years later, we’re still stuck in the mud huts of Afghanistan and the sands of Iraq.  So, you want to emulate George W. Bush, dumbest President in the history of the US of A?
How, about just rolling back the tanks and leaving the folks in the Ukraine to fend for themselves. Offer them some bread, cheese and vodka instead of tank shells.
And look, Vlad, it’s not as though you’re without friends in high places. Remember, all  those big Russian rockets that carry a lot of our stuff into space to power our GPS and other space thingies?  Well, we still need them, cuz we’re too stupid to devote any of our financial resources to the space program. We’ve been too busy making sure our richest people don’t have to pay any taxes to notice that everything is falling apart around us. So, sit down and have a heart to heart with some of our GOPers. You know, Orange Man Boehner, and the VC warrior McCain. Just talk to them Vlad. Maybe offer them a ride into space.
But quit this Crimea crap, Vlad. I mean what’s next . . . another Charge of the Light Brigade??
Cool it man, and join the 21st century.
Tata Vlad.
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