On Becoming Old

 

Turns out, I don’t really know how to “become old” properly. This isn’t something they teach you in school.  I mean, growing up in New York didn’t leave much time for dwelling on the inevitable. Besides, it was so far off. I mean, even my grands were both still here and remaining reasonably active.

Look at that kid. Why would he even think about growing old, aside from maybe becoming six and then attending school at PS-82.

And we saw at least one of our grands almost every weekend, when she prepared a sumptuous Sunday dinner in the Bronx.  Yeah, so growing up in the streets of New York promoted thinking about what you might want to do over the next hour, not the next 20 years.

And then, I “aged” into my teens and made it into high school, way up in Spring Valley, New York. Each stage of my life seemed permanent, due to last forever, with nothing beyond. And then that stage ended, and another began.  And so life went on, the way it does with most folks, lucky enough to stay alive. We had exceptional experiences not granted to everyone. We went to live in India for four years, a completely amazing period of our lives.  It could only be described as accidental.  We were living in downtown San Francisco (not bad for a poor kid from the street of New York, huh?) at the time. I had joined a management consulting firm which obliged me to travel a lot. We were working on aerospace management subjects, mainly connected with the Air Force and its Minuteman Weapon system.  For some reason, the US Agency for International Development was looking for exactly our kind of management firm—one with lots of large scale program planning and evaluation experience.  They wanted to send some consultants over to India to work with a group in India’s Planning Commission. The idea was to form a sort of internal Government of India management consulting group, with Indian staff and American consulting staff. And so we were hired. And someone at the home office asked me if I would be interested in going to India to work with that team. My response? “Sure, why not?’

And so, for four years we wound up living in New Delhi, India. We traveled some and mostly enjoyed that four years. It seemed as though we were there permanently.  We were young, in our 30s, and when you are in your 30s, life can be glorious.  Your 30s are like the perfect age period. When you are in your 20s, you’re really still “a kid”. But then you achieve that glorious age of 30. You are mature, adult, a thinking creature, while still being gloriously young.  I mean look at this glorious creature I was lucky enough to call my wife.

So, yeah, we were young and adventurous and now had that travel bug in our blood.  Not bad for a kid who never ventured outside of Manhattan or the Bronx for his first 10 years.

And so we eventually returned to our home base in the US and resumed “normal” life there.  We first tried living in the Boston area, but two three-foot snow storms in one winter suggested to us that we would rather not “grow old” in Boston. And so we moved to the Washington, DC region, where we remained for 30+ years.

Now during that 30+ year period, we remained firmly young at heart, even if our bodies began sagging a bit.  Because we both tried to keep ourselves physically fit, our bodies only sagged a bit by the time we entered our 60s.  Ahhh, your 60s . . . you’re not yet actually “old”, although 20-somethings might now describe you as such. And being in our 60s, we acquired grandchildren. Well, technically, we acquired our first grandchild just before turning 40. So, take that old age! Yeah, there’s nothing like a grandchild to define you as old.  Here’s two of my grands in one of the only pictures I have of them.

I mean, they clearly are “old”, right?  Whereas this lady, their daughter is clearly still young, right??? And she’s holding me, also young, but their grandbaby. Well, maybe a fatty young, but still young, right?

And then life seemed to fast forward. Yeah, it zoomed along, right through all those nice dinner parties, and that traveling around, and that 60s thing, and the even better 70s thing. Yeah, the 60s gets all the credit, but the 70s was really the decade of peace, and love, and all kinds of good things. Why, hell, we even managed to concede defeat and declare the War in Vietnam to be at least over, if not really “finished”.  And then came the 80s and the 90s and they seemed to be more the decades of our kids and grandkids than of us. I mean, we were here and still pretty active. But now all the large Life Events were Kid Events—Graduations, from high school, from college, even medical school. Marriages . . . all of our “kids” were getting married, thereby declaring themselves to be fully adult.  So, if our kids were “fully adult”, what were we?? Old maybe??

Well, hold on. Not quite yet.

But then something else began occurring—people we knew began dying: grandparents first, but then parents, then siblings, and friends. Yeah, we began losing some friends. Not a lot, but some, and that was telling—siblings and friends are at least your generation. And when your generation begins kicking off, then you begin to wonder.

And so, we retired and moved to Concord, North Carolina, to our “retirement home”—no, not that kind of retirement home. Just a regular home in which we could “retire”.  And, not feeling quite “old” yet, we did some traveling. We flew off to Australia to visit friends and attend a wedding of a close friend.  We zoomed off on a 9,000 mile road trip to celebrate 49 years of married life together. Yeah, we still had it.

And then we just settled into life as a retired couple. Oh we still did some traveling, and we entertained a bit, but mostly for family.  One of the things that happens when you “retire” is that you receive fewer invitations for things like dinner parties.  Now, to be fair, our observation is that “dinner parties” themselves seem to have gone out of fashion. We think they peaked during the 1970s, and maybe dragged on for a bit into the 80s.  Ahh, the 1970s . . .

Nonetheless, being “retired’ places you into that camp of “old people”, and the younger sets tend to mostly ignore oldies.  I guess what the two have in common begins shrinking to the point that even conversations become difficult. And so that super socially active period we experienced during the 1970s into the 1980s, begins diminishing to the occasional.  And your social life reduces to whatever your family provides—in our case a lot, but still less than those old days of the 1970s.

And then I entered my 70s. Mind, I still felt the same. Physically and mentally, we were both really fortunate in having so few problems.  All parents and grands had departed life by then of course. And even some siblings. In my case, I was the youngest, so my brother and sister left first. Then Carol lost a sister. Happily, Carol’s brother is younger and remains active and healthy, refreshingly still young.

As we moved out of the 70s, and into our 80s, our ages seemed to matter more. Happily, we still had our acts together and still had at least reasonable physical prowess.  When asked about my age, I invented a cute way of announcing—remember jack Benny from radio fame? Well, Jack Benny was forever 39.  And so, I became Jack Benny. How old are you?  Well, I am in my 45^th 39^th year (aka 84). And then we would laugh.  And so I proceeded, until I entered my 47^th 39^th year (aka 86). And suddenly that joke tired on me.  I became officially 86, headed towards 87.  And now, I find myself unable to decide what to do. How do I cope with being 86?? What am I supposed to be doing, or not doing? Can I do yard work? Well, maybe some, but not all of it. Can I climb ladders and go onto the roof to retrieve fallen limbs?? Hmmm, best not.  Can I enter our koi’s pond to do some work there? Well, can you still get into the pond physically without falling in? Yes . . . well ok then I guess you can continue.  And so it goes. See, you don’t get any formal instruction in school, on how to behave when you become old. It seems that, one day you’re still “Not Old”, and then quite without warning, you are officially OLD.  I keep waiting for distinct changes, but they all remain subtle. I find myself getting tired more easily after doing some gardening work, or maybe I just ache more, despite the fact that I work out to stay healthy. Well, gardening is different, uses different muscles I am told. Well, they didn’t when I was 40. Why when I am 80ish? And so it goes. I notice that, now, each time I pay a visit to some of my many doctors (yeah, when you get old, you have a full partnership of docs who care for different parts of you) I enter their office with a certain trepidation. Is my ophthalmologist going to discover something that keeps me from driving???  And on and on.

Yeah, it’s a lot of fun, while still beating the hell out of the alternative.  “What’s it like to grow old” is way more entertaining than, “What’s it like after you die?” Well, I guess the big test of weathering the storm called aging is the ability to laugh. As long as I can laugh at other people’s doings, laugh at the TV screen and even, occasionally, laugh at myself, that will have to be enough.  And I do laugh at myself a lot.  It seems useful, and even still fun.

So, go for it, folks. You too can become old. Just don’t take it all too seriously.

Humans & Gods

 I have been finding myself getting even more confused than normal regarding religion these days. And what’s my latest source of confusion, you ask? Well, it’s those good old Evangels. See, I sort of understood when they would take a stand against abortion, and decide to support a candidate who also opposed abortion. I mean, I think they’re full of crap, but I at least understand the abortion thing. They view abortion as a form of murder, as best I understand their position.  I know, I know, they aren’t really pro-life, so much as they are anti-sex. They seem to be arguing that women should not engage in any sexual activity, unless they have already decided they want to produce another child.  I mean, that is the only point to sexual intercourse isn’t it?  God made sexual intercourse pleasurable, so that people would produce more Christian children, as best I understand the argument.

But then the Evangels took this stand against Gays and the LGBTQ folks.  And I thought, huh  . . . why would they care if two women, or two dudes decided to hook up and maybe get married? I know, I know, sexual activity between two women or two men cannot, by definition, lead to a baby. Still . . .

But finally, it turns out that Evangels are also racist, i.e., they have decided that White Supremacy is the only course God intended for mankind.  I mean, I understand that God only decided to allow non-white folks to be produced on Earth in order to provide the White dudes with a support staff. You can’t expect the White dudes to do all the work, can you?  But still . . . serfdom??? Slavery??? Really, Evangels?? That is your decision and you’re sticking with it?

So, you will support all the Donald Trumps of the world, but AOC??? Heaven forfend.

I guess this idiocy brings me to my final conclusion about organized religion. It’s really all about control, and has little or nothing to do with a God figure.

It seems pretty clear that all the writings about God contained in the Bible, the Torah, and the other Godly writings of the early world were written by fairly ignorant white dudes intent on controlling humankind.  I mean, what better way to control folks than by inventing God and then declaring that you have personally spoken with the Dude in the sky? And it was always a Dude. I mean, who would invent a God and then announce it to be a woman?? How could you possibly control women, if God were one of them? I mean, get serious.

So, once the control-Dudes invented God, they began inventing a whole new set of careers—Priests, and then of course subservient nuns. But priests were the top dudes. They personally spoke with God and received instructions directly. The other folks could pretend to speak to God (they invented this cute thing called praying) but God never spoke back. God only spoke to the priests. So the priests knew precisely what God intended when he invented humankind, well when he invented everything actually.

And God intended that, should mankind violate the directives that came directly from him, then the priests were commissioned to punish. So, sometimes, the priests just burned folks to a crisp, or drowned them. And then the priests invented the Heaven and Hell thingie. I guess they realized they couldn’t continue just killing the sinners outright. But they could assure that the no-gooders would later rot in hell after life ceased, and that the good folks, i.e., those who obeyed the priestly admonitions, would be guaranteed a spot in Heaven, one within talking distance to God himself.

And after a while, the priests allowed folks called Kings to form and begin taking over the world, or at least some small part of the world. And the priests formed a coalition with the kings and their killing machines.  The priests would bless the kings and their domains, as long as the kings allowed them to continue controlling human behavior. And the Kings thought this was a nifty idea, since it gave them yet another avenue to control their subordinate humans—so many serfs, so little time.

And so the alliances were forged between the rulers of the world and the priests. And over time the priests became a kind of untouchable group.  Even as the Kings of the world saw their powers diminished, the priests saw to it that that priestly behavior was only to be judged by other priests, creating a kind of priestly hierarchy of Popes and other priestly “monarchs”.

But over time, humans began inventing new forms by which they would control themselves—democracy being one of them.  Now democracy is a strange kind of control, because it involves the humans themselves deciding which of their humankind they wish to have control. Now, mind you, the priests had already separated themselves from normal humankind. See, the priests had given up on actually killing folks who violated priestly commands, instead threatening to send those errant humans off to Hell forever.  Now that punishment depended on whether the humans believed in the heaven and hell things.  Still, we had two groups of humans—priests and their flocks of total believers, and the Others, i.e., humans who decided that they could figure out by themselves the difference between good and bad behavior.

And so, we now find ourselves with fairly distinct groups of humans—those who still believe the priests, and those who actually think.  Evangels are the former group.  And so, politicians came along during this formative period, and politicians figured out that humans could be controlled by and would listen to and support the politicians who promised to deliver a world in which their belief system dominated. So, POLs who yelled about things like abortion and Gays and White Supremacy, would automatically draw the support of the folks like Evangels, who still listened to their priests. In fact, one of the important lessons drawn by certain POLs was that it was productive to promote HATE. Yeah, if you yelled that certain groups of people should be hated, then lots of people would be drawn to your side.  And because Evangels were often the subject of ridicule by thinking humans, they began hating The Others , i.e., thinking humans.

And so lines were drawn between people who hated and the Others. And the politicians drew the priests to their sides, much like the kings of old, and bent the priests to their side. And so, God finally disappeared altogether from the fields of discussions among humans, and control became the only relevant subject.  Now, politics has always been about control. But in democracies, humans decided that they were willing to cede some control, and in fact decisions about who could control and over what subjects control could be exhibited.  But that control could always be withdrawn via the vote.  But in recent times, the opposing forces in democracies have begun to decide that “the other” should be kept outside the control mechanisms. And the more strongly humans believe in one side or another, i.e., the more “thinking” withdraws from that universe, and “belief” enters the controls, the more dangerous becomes that system, and the more it begins to resemble those earlier universes of kings, and priests, where logic, ethics, and morality no longer operate.

And so we come to 2021 America. The humans who reside here really need to decide whether they wish to be ruled by priests and kings, or by other thinking humans who actually possess some thinking qualities and some actual understanding of democracies, and how such things differ from monarchies or priestly universes.

Up to you folks.

Still Awaiting That God Thing

 It’s odd how, with Trump off the stage, my need to yell back instantly is eroding. Instead, I find myself sitting at home, reading the news, or just admiring the day, while biting my nails and feeling a bit more depressed each day, while awaiting the final destruction of that place we call America.

Exactly how our destruction will come about remains unclear to me. Carol and I have discussed often where we would be planning to migrate, were we 30 again.  New Zealand is our most frequent location of choice. And why would we be migrating?

Well, I see continued growth in that segment of our population that seems to favor either a Fascist government, some form of religious monarchy, or maybe the simpler separation of our Nation into two or more separate nation states.  See, I am still having difficulty with the fact that some 74 million people actually voted for Donald Trump, even after having watched and listened to him for four years as our pseudo-president.  And apparently, if you speak with most of them today, they still use terms like “Trump was the best president in our history”.  When I hear that, I begin to choke. No, surely you are joking. You mean to say, “ . . . the worst president in our history” right??  But no, they mean “best president”.

We used to think of Ronald Reagan as the President who made it ok again to be a racist.  Well, wasn’t that an exaggeration. Between 2016 and 2020, we learned that Donald Trump seriously made it ok again to be:

a.       Racist

b.      Nazi

c.       Misogynist

d.      Mostly ignorant of world affairs

e.      Corrupt

f.        Mostly ignorant of domestic affairs

g.       Liar

h.      Mostly ignorant.

And he also told some folks that of course he supported their zealous anti-abortion principles, thereby acquiring the Evangels as his most fervent supporters. I thought his position there was at best amusing, since he probably caused more abortions than anyone on the eastern Seaboard.  He does love to screw.

And his Evangel supporters have apparently taken over some states (Texas comes to mind) completely, with their legislature and gubernator supporting laws making all forms of abortion illegal after six weeks, i.e., before most pregnant women know they are pregnant.

And then there is the anti-voting stance of today’s republicans.  Apparently, it has become clear to the republican party that when Americans are allowed to vote freely, they tend towards more progressive candidates, that is to say, Democrats.  So, if republicans are ever to be able to dominate within states or, heaven forfend America, they are going to have to restrict voting by people who are likely to vote for democrats. And so, republican parties everywhere are working hard to devise ways to make it difficult for people of color, Hispanic folks, and even the elders of our Land to vote.  Oh, and then there is that gerrymandering thing.  And what is gerrymandering you ask? Well, from Wiki, “Gerrymandering is a practice intended to establish an unfair political advantage for a particular party or group by manipulating the boundaries of electoral districts, which is most commonly used in first-past-the-post electoral systems.

Two principal tactics are used in gerrymandering: "cracking" (i.e. diluting the voting power of the opposing party's supporters across many districts) and "packing" (concentrating the opposing party's voting power in one district to reduce their voting power in other districts).

In addition to its use achieving desired electoral results for a particular party, gerrymandering may be used to help or hinder a particular demographic, such as a political, ethnic, racial, linguistic, religious, or class group, such as in Northern Ireland where boundaries were constructed to guarantee Protestant Unionist majorities. Gerrymandering can also be used to protect incumbents, as in politicians picking their voters instead of voters picking their politicians. One republican stated "Redistricting is like an election in reverse. It's a great event. Usually the voters get to pick the politicians. In redistricting, the politicians get to pick the voters.

The term gerrymandering is named after American politician Elbridge Gerry, Vice President of the United States at the time of his death, who, as Governor of Massachusetts in 1812, signed a bill that created a partisan district in the Boston area that was compared to the shape of a mythological salamander. The term has negative connotations and gerrymandering is almost always considered a corruption of the democratic process. See that’s the key. It is a corruption or perversion of democracy. I guess as long as we elect humans, we run the risk of electing corrupt humans (think Donald Trump, Mitch McConnell, that Greene creature, Louie Gohmert . . . oh my so many corrupt, so little time.

And it isn’t as though any of this stuff is new. It’s been going on as long as we have had politicians and elections.  But, now, in America, all of these corruptions seem to be expanding at the same time.  I don’t know whether we can blame Donald Trump solely. Surely Rupert Murdoch plays a role here with his Fox Fake News folks.  It is almost as though America is devolving into a series of corrupt cults—the Racists, the Nazi’s, the Christian Taliban, etc. And then our politicians, at least our republican politicians, are turning into the equivalent of organized crime mobsters.  So, cults led by organized crime mobs.

And then there’s the rest of us, standing by watching this amazing transformation occur in front of our noses.  Now, so far, “the rest of us” seems to be still vaguely in the majority. I mean Biden did receive 81,283,09 votes, the first U.S. presidential candidate to have won more than 80 million votes. But still, Trump won 74,222,958 votes, or 46.8 percent of the votes cast.  And then we have that “electoral college” thing, where the candidate who wins the most votes does not necessarily win the race. See, in America we don’t actually trust the American people.  So we invented this thing called the Electoral College. The United States Electoral College is the group of presidential electors required by the Constitution to form every four years for the sole purpose of electing the president and vice president. Each state appoints electors according to its legislature, equal in number to its congressional delegation (senators and representatives). Federal office holders cannot be electors. Of the current 538 electors, an absolute majority of 270 or more electoral votes is required to elect the president and vice president. If no candidate achieves an absolute majority there, a contingent election is held by the United States House of Representatives to elect the president, and by the United States Senate to elect the vice president.

Isn’t that a fun system? It allows us to make believe the people elect the president, whereas a small group of folks is delegated to actually select the president.  That is, by the way, how Donald Trump lost the popular vote, but succeeded to the presidency anyway.  It’s called “How to Elect an Idiot-Malenfant to the Highest Office in the Land”, a book obviously written by an evil comic genius.

And so, how close are we to destroying our system of government altogether? Well, clearly, it is hard to determine. We may know in 2022, but surely in 2024. Remember all those 74 million folks who voted for the idiot-malenfant Donald Trump?  Well, they are definitely going to vote again. And their legislators are busily working as we speak to erect gerrymandered districts and to corrupt that Electoral College thing.  So, depending on how successful they are, we may obtain a new form of government in the next few years.  And so, “Be Careful What You Wish For” folks. 2022, and then 2024 are just around the corner. We’ll see.  But that’s why my wife and I keep talking about where we would be moving were we only 30-somethings. Remain hopeful, but get off your asses and go to the polls and vote.