Life's a Bitch

I’m 90, as you likely know. So, periodically, my thoughts turn to . . . Death. Yeah, I know. Bummer, huh? But not just Death. Rather, What is Death? And I have concluded that Death is a peculiar state. It is a state, when I do not just lose consciousness. Or I just lose “awareness”. No, I no longer “Know” anything, because my brain no longer functions. I don’t know if you have thought about such a state . . . when your brain no longer works. You are dead, but you no longer know you are dead . . . because you no longer “KNOW” anything. You do not even know that your brain does not work. Nope. YOU are gone. And, you are not GONE into that Heavenly space where you meet your grandfolks. Or maybe that hot place where you meet Satan. No. You simply no longer exist, and you do not know that, because you have no brain.

It’s hard to comprehend such a state of nothingness . . . a state where you no longer are aware that you are not aware. Try thinking about such a state. It ain’t easy.

Yeah, but I’m 90 and you’re not, so you may not be having such exotic thoughts. UNLESS . . . yeah, I’m thinking about the parents of those little kids who were shot AND killed in that school in Minnesota, The mom, who’s grieving now, may well be thinking about all the years her little one will not experience.  See, parents don’t think about such things normally. Instead, they think about what their little ones are having for lunch, or maybe what they are learning that day at school.  See, thinking about a state of Nothingness is not on her mind.  Or at least, we hope it is not.  We hope she is having Happy Thoughts about what she will do when her little ones return from school, and maybe, what she may fix them for dinner.

See, that young man who got out his guns and went over to that school he once attended and then began shooting at the place, was also not thinking about the possible states of non-being he might be imposing on some very young kids who had most of their lives in front of them.  See, he was unlikely to even be aware of the Death State, and what it really means.  See the young ones he killed were not thinking of that state, and now are not thinking anything. He took that away from them. Killing someone is a weird thing to do. Most people who do the killing have no idea what they are doing, because their brains are malfunctioning when they are in that act of killing.  Maybe it’s a good thing that young man was killed in the act. Now he cannot think about what he did. We might prefer it were he able to think. But his brain was malfunctioning anyway. No normal functioning brain would allow such a cruel act. And it makes me wonder what his Mother is now thinking. But more, it makes me wonder about the Mothers, and the fathers, of those dead children and what they are thinking.  “Life’s a bitch, but then you die”. Yeah, but NOT THAT WAY.   NO. Parents are supposed to be thinking about their kids graduating from school, and maybe even college someday.  They are not supposed to be preparing a Gravestone for their kids.  That’s just wrong.  So, what do we think about guns, and about malfunctioning kids having possession of guns? Not such a hot idea huh?

Well, let us all think about those parents of the little dead kids.  Send them your thoughts and prayers, even though they won’t bring back their kids.

LIFE NOW

 Life’s a Bitch . . . But Then You Die.

That’s been my Happy Tale of late when I’m talking to my pet cat, Midnight, as he complains to me about his many tales of woe.  As I hit and then passed by 90 years, this little whimsical saying has become my motto.

For one thing, I had a minor accident, tripping on a stair and then banging my head against our kitchen wall. I felt the back of my head, but detected nothing amiss. Then two days later, I came down with Shingles, despite having had my Shingles vaccination shots.  It was odd. I experienced no adverse effects from my fall and whacking my head. But two days later, I noticed a rash on my left side. I thought, “hmmm, is this rash an effect of somehow twisting my body and then whacking my head?” And then my doctor-daughter looked at it and said, “Ohhh, you seem to have Shingles”. And I said, “No, I had the Shingles shots, remember?” And, she said, “Well, maybe those shots failed to work, cuz you clearly have Shingles.”

And so, for the past 4-5 weeks, I have been struggling with Shingles. It’s a combination of a stomach that feels off and on like I have strained the interior muscles, to my outer skin feeling super sensitive, both itchy and like I’ve been burned. Oh, and then periodically, someone sticks a needle into the skin. Such fun. I am taking Gaba Pentin pills, and spreading  a Lidocaine salve on the area, but if it’s working I can’t tell.

So, life, at the moment, sucks, and I have begun thinking of The End of Life. You know, that period when you no longer know anything, not even that you are no longer alive.

And then, that creature, The Donald enters my brain, either through the radio, the TV News, or my computer, where maybe 2/3 of my e-mails try to tell me something awful that he has done or is doing, you know, like his latest mess with Zelensky and Vlad.  Remember his yakking while he was running for President that second time? He was going to bring peace in one day.  And people, MAGAHeads, actually seemed to believe him and so, voted for him.  How was that possible? Are any Americans that stupid that they believe anything he says and actually cast their vote for him? Well, apparently the answer is YES.  And so, with now 3 ½ years to go in his term, and me in my state of Shingles desperation, I have begun assuming that maybe LIFE may not be worth it. Were I not Happily married to a wonderful woman, I almost assuredly would be thinking of how to end this state of being.  But I am Happily married and my wife of 70 years is a wonder woman. She makes my life worthy of continuance, despite its now many woes.  And so, I will continue.

But that creature, The Donald will continue to make my life, and the lives of millions, a misery.  He is the most miserable creature ever to spring to life during my lifetime. In terms of leaders, I have been aware of them since maybe FDR. I still remember listening to him on the radio, when I was maybe 5 or 6.  I still remember vividly FDR telling us about December 7^th and that Pearl Harbor bombing.  Even then, at that early life stage, I remember being appalled.  But then, FDR led me through all the horrors of WW II until its successful conclusion.  And then I reverted to “The Shadow”—“who knows what evil lurks in the minds of man? The Shadow knows”.  And then “Gangbusters”, and “Charlie McCarthy” and on and on.  That was ended and then the parade of Presidents began – Truman, Ike, JFK (the original) Johnson, Nixon (oh god, remember him?), Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush II, Clinton, Obama, Trump and Biden. And I followed them all, my mind cringing during Reagan, and Nixon. But none of them even come close to Trump. His awfulness brings to mind maybe Hitler, although I know the comparison is not fair.

But to now be faced with another Trump at my advanced age of 90, knowing I haven’t much longer (nobody in my family ever made it beyond 85) gives me mental creepies.  He does bring to mind Hitler, and that is really hard for my mind to comprehend. Because, it is not merely Trump. Trump is the End Game of a subset of American people. He is here, making Americans miserable, because Americans voted for him. And that is my saddest commentary. Americans actually voted for this idiot-malenfant. Think of what that means about America.  And so, I am stuck with my Shingles, and Donald Trump. How is that for a way to end your life?  AND, I see no solution. Republicans and democrats in Congress seem incapable if even slowing him down. SCOTUS, my once preferred solution to such problems, now seems DEAD.  So, short of a bullet through his head (unlikely) I see no solution. But hey how about a heart attack?  Oh right, there’s that. And then we get JD Vance, who might actually be worse. Nice, huh?

OK, so you better just Keep On Truck’n Richard. Quit bitching, and continue to enjoy your wonderful wife. OH and all those great kids , grandkids, and Great grandkids. Yeah, so shut up for a while.