Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Obama Moves In

As Obama begins the process of picking out the curtains and hiring the maids (Hillary, Bob, Timothy, et al) in his new digs, one thing he needs to focus on is the moles, burrowing as we speak, from Shrub’s gang of thugs. Little Shrub has been a busy bee lately. In addition to accelerating his attack on the nation’s regulatory structure by deregulating almost everything in favor of his rich contributors), he has also been busy burrowing his incompetent staffers within the ranks of the career civil service. I guess all presidents have done this kind of thing. It’s just that, like everything else he has done, Shrub is carrying this effort beyond anyone’s imagination. So what I think is this.
Obama needs to create a new subcabinet position, maybe within that department we never really needed—you know, Homeland Security (the solution in search of a problem). The new subcabinet post would be something like Assistant Secretary of Doofuses. As soon as Obama takes office officially, he would begin the task of transferring all the newly burrowed republican moles to the new Office of Doofuses within Homeland Security (kind of like the Turkey Train that occurred when the Department of Education was created and people were transferred from DHEW). Then, after the transfers are official, he would announce that the Office was being located in Alaska. And not just anywhere in Alaska. Since Republicans are so fond of ANWR, I’m thinking that they could move the office to the end of the line, where Ernest Leffingwell traveled.
Alaska’s Arctic Expeditions might provide travel agent services for the newly arrived Republican staffers. On November 23, 2005 , an Arctic Expeditions crew set out from Kavik River, Alaska on the first year (winter) of an unprecedented journey in Alaska's arctic Brooks Range and the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR). With a team of 22 Alaskan malamutes, pulling three sleds with 2 tons of supplies, the crew mushed for five months into some of the most rugged and inaccessible regions of the arctic. During the expedition they faced 70 mph winds, -100 degree wind chills, and 72 days of no sun. Five months later, they returned to Kavik River with the dog team, three completely empty sleds, and many tales of the adventure. Now doesn’t that just sound like the kind of government experience the newly burrowed Republicans were hankering for, I mean especially after they all breathlessly pursued the Wasilla Barbie for VEEP. That Arctic Expeditions trip was a tribute to the "forgotten explorer," Ernest de Koven Leffingwell (1876-1971). Leffingwell was a member of the Anglo-American-polar Expedition (1906-1908) which established that there was no land North of Alaska. Leffingwell is credited for mapping much of the arctic coast and the Brooks Range, which is now part of ANWR, between 1908 and 1914.
Now wouldn’t that just be the perfect spot for the little Shrubbies?
And what would be their task? Well, they could be placed in charge of protecting Alaskan ice. Yep, you do know that Alaskan ice is one of the great American national treasures, don’t you? I know, when I last visited Alaska in 1968, the hotel in Juneau served Alaskan blue glacier ice in their drinks. Now, doesn’t that suggest a true national treasure, eminently worthy of the Republican staffers’ best efforts? I mean, they are so into preservation and conservation. Right?
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