Drive-in Churches

I was thinking about the zeal with which religious folks view their daily or weekly religious services. Some (idiotic) pastors have even continued to insist on holding their services, despite the order to “socially isolate” folks.  I guess the more zealous the more likely pastors and their flocks will do really stupid things.  But thinking about that phenomenon, my mind wandered back to my early days, while dating my present wife of nearly 65 years.  During the early 1950s, we would periodically have a “date” at which we attended a drive-in movie in Spring Valley.  I technically didn’t own a car, but my mom let me drive the “family car”, a 1935 Plymouth Coupe, complete with rumble seat.  Yeah, it look something like the dude below.  Black, with a three speed stick shift. As I recall, it even had a radio that would occasionally work.  See, it was as old as me at that time, so it was amazing that it worked at all.

At any rate, we would go to a local drive-in, watch a film, listen to the sound track, courtesy of the speakers supplied by the theatre—each space for the car had a stand with a connected speaker that you could drape over your car window.  Now, for those of you who don’t understand the concept of a drive-in movie, let me bring you back in time, via a little piece from Wiki on drive-ins..

Although technically drive-ins were first invented in about 1915, the first ones operating in America date to about 1933.

Early drive-in theaters had to deal with sound issues. One of the early ones in New Jersey had speakers installed on the tower itself which caused a sound delay affecting patrons at the rear of the drive-in's field. In 1935, one drive-in theater attempted to solve this problem by having a row of speakers in front of the cars. In 1941, RCA introduced in-car speakers with individual volume controls which solved the noise pollution issue and provided satisfactory sound to drive-in patrons. 

After 1945 rising car ownership and suburban and rural population led to a boom in drive-in theaters, with hundreds being opened each year. More couples were reunited and having children, resulting in the Baby Boom, and more cars were being purchased following the end of wartime fuel rationing. By 1951, the number of drive-in movie theaters in the United States had increased from its 1947 total of 155 to 4,151.

The drive-in's peak popularity came in the late 1950s and early 1960s, particularly in rural areas, with over 4,000 drive-ins spread across the United States in 1958. They were a cheaper alternative to in-door cinema theaters because not only did they save the gas of driving out to the city and then back home, but the cost of building and maintaining a drive-in theater was cheaper than that of an in-door theater, resulting in lower overall cost of attendance. Among its advantages was the fact that older adults with children could take care of their infant while watching a movie, while youth found drive-ins ideal for a first date. Unlike indoor cinema theaters, there was an air of informality which was appealing to people of all ages, but specifically to families. The drive-in’s success was rooted in its reputation of being a family-friendly place. Parents were able to bring their children to the theater, often in pajamas, without having to worry about bothering other movie-goers, and were also able to spend time together without paying the expenses of babysitters. Drive-ins catered to their known audience, offering luxuries such as bottle warmers and diaper vending machines, and later miniature golf courses, swimming pools, and even motels on the land with windows facing the screens so that viewers could watch the films from their beds. During the 1950s, the greater privacy afforded to patrons gave drive-ins a reputation as immoral, and they were labeled "passion pits" in the media (yeah, gotta love those “passion pits”). The 1978 movie Grease portrays the local drive-in as a preferred spot for trysts.

Now, I know you likely are uninterested in drive-ins for movies, when you can relax on your couch in slight clothing and watch the latest flick via NetFlix or Amazon Prime.  But, let me return to the old fashioned church service. With churches, pastors require you to drive or walk to your nearest physical church, walk in, find an available pew seat, and actually sit down, near some neighbor until the pastor shows up to lecture you on what a lousy life style you lead, and how, if you would just contribute some of your hard earned cash to this little tray being passed around, you could rescue that life before you were required to go to Hell.

See, that was a great approach to keep the pastors of the world in ready cash to maintain their preferred lifestyle.

But, now, the various Governors of our fair country have been putting the kibosh on this simple approach to keeping your pastor healthy and in good spirits. They now insist, courtesy of this pandemic thing, that you stay home.  So, how’s a pastor gonna live if he can’t extract some gold on a weekly basis?

Well, how about reinventing the drive-in movie, but instead we have drive-in churches? Yeah, we could have families bring their kids, and nobody would have to touch anyone else. The cost of admission could be standard, or we could allow folks to adjust their purchase price to anything their little hearts desired. Maybe, allow use of credit cards, and they could maybe add a tip to the base price.  Now, some elements might have to be reinvented. For example, the hymn thing. You could still have choirs I guess. Maybe record choirs with the members remaining physically separated, and then replay their finished works back into the car speakers. But the members wouldn’t be singing along, unless the families chose to just sing along with the recorded choir tunes.

And that communion thingie with folks lining up to eat a wafer and consume some red wine, would have to be reinvented. Maybe they could have a sort of drive-in food window at the end, where the folks drove by to receive their wafers and taste of wine through a window, with appropriate gloves and masks separating the servers from the served.  I am sure that many elements would still need reinventing, but pastors seem nothing if not inventive folks.  So, what do you think folks?? A way to keep on truck’n regardless of the pandemic.

Now, I realize that this posting has entirely excluded Trump. But then Trump, despite all the endorsements from good right wing Evangel pastors, never actually goes to church. He attends the Church Of Trump I assume, so as to worship at the altar of the almighty Trump.   His rooting sections around the country seem not to care whether he practices what their various pastors preach. He’s all about himself, don’t you know.

So, there, some place for the good folks of organized religion to go when they can’t gather together in their physical churches. End of sermon folks.