Conspiracy Theories

We are getting chocker-block full of conspiracy theories. Remember when Hillary warned us about a vast right wing conspiracy? Well, it turns out she was right after all. We all laughed about it at the time.  But then guess who claimed the presidency after losing the popular vote to Hillary Clinton? You got it, Donald Trump.  So he claimed the presidency in a sort of republican coup d’état. Yeah, not clear who bribed those electors to cast their vital votes for Donald Trump, but bribed they were.  And now, Steve Bannon has taken on the job as chair of the Republican Conspiracy Machine, and he is hard at work trying to con the American people into another four years of Donald Trump, even if, this time, they have to use machine guns to achieve their ends.  Yeah, good old, Stevie. He knows no bounds.  It’s Donald or Armageddon. 

Now, it should be clear that, mainly, Stevie runs professional grifts. Take your pick. Yeah, he had stuff like Breitbart, but he was into the money mainly.  And apparently the right wing knows no bounds when it comes to grifting. Not long ago, he was charged with a species of penny-ante grift. Yeah, it’s the sort of grift the American right has been running on its own voters for decades, which makes this absolutely fitting. Federal prosecutors in New York a while ago now unsealed criminal charges against Stephen K. Bannon, and three other men they alleged defrauded hundreds of thousands of donors using an online crowdfunding campaign that was advertised as raising money to build a wall on the U.S. border with Mexico. Apparently, Bannon and another organizer of the campaign, Air Force veteran Brian Kolfage, claimed they would not take any compensation as part of the campaign, called “We Build The Wall,” but that was a lie. Bannon, prosecutors alleged, received more than $1 million through a nonprofit he controlled, sending hundreds of thousands out to Kolfage while keeping a “substantial portion” for himself. Yeah, they really love America, just as long as it continues to  finance their illegal ways. 

So, the right wing conspiracy machines are now hard at work trying to maintain The Donald in his appointed job as head of the Republican Coup d’état government we used to call America. Whether they succeed remains an open question, since The Donald still refuses to concede that he lost yet again this time to Joe Biden. 

Maybe The Donald should try to run against Donald Duck next time.  Oooh, I know, The Donald should have MaraLago recede from America, and he could appoint himself as Czar of TrumpaLago. I know, I know, MaraLago is part of Florida, but they won’t mind right??   And then the vast right wing conspiracists could all move into TrumpaLago and hold SuperSpreader events as demonstrations that this COVID left wing conspiracy is just junk.

 And on that COVIDIOCY theory about how there is no COVID virus, I had another idea. Why don’t we assume that all those folks who deny COVID—you know, the ones yelling it’s all a fraud, and all the millions more who won’t wear masks because COVID doesn’t exist—would never want to get the COVID vaccine? Of course not. Why would they get vaccinated against a fake disease, right? 

So, then we have a much simpler vaccine distribution problem. We only have to vaccinate the folks who understand that COVID is a real disease, currently killing real people. You know, the folks who actually think.  How’s that for simplifying a complex problem? Now we will likely have to invent a new disease state for the COVIDIOTs who die off or get very sick. Maybe, we can say that they contracted the GOPIFY disease. Very contagious disease that originated in a lab somewhere in Florida, you know, near MaraLago. Apparently some lab rats generated it and it just broke loose at a rally of guntoters.  Can’t be helped. These things just happen.

And meanwhile, back in the Land of Sanity, folks will be able to resume their normal lives, working, hugging their loved ones, eating and drinking at pubs and restaurants. Won’t that be nice?? Coming soon to a Land near you, sometime in 2021 . . . unless Bannon et al succeed in reseating Donald Trump in DC. 

Ta ta for now.