Emperor Butthead

Emperor for Life

So, the Chinese premier/President, or whatever he is, has now proposed that he be allowed to serve for the rest of his life, creating a new form of Emperor-dynasty system in China. It is not as though they haven’t been there before, but we all had imagined that China had graduated from the emperor system to something approximating a democratic governmental system.  I guess the temptation to retreat to a system that eliminates the need for thinking is just too great. Still, it kind of surprises me.

And then, President Doofus allowed as how he liked the Chinese emperor-wannabe, and thought perhaps we might try the same system.  And I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. See, if Borowitz proposed something like that, I would know to laugh, cuz Andy is a satirist and writes stuff like that all the time. But when Stupidhead says that, well maybe he’s just being stupidly comedic, or maybe the thought just entered his head . . . “hey, president (emperor??) for life. Hell, if the Chinese are thinking that, why not me and here?” Then, when he is criticized, he can just have one of his dumbass spokespeople (Sarah huckleberry) tell us that he was just joking . . . haha, she will say with her dark face scowling at us.

This all makes me wonder, mainly about us. See, we know President Doofus really doesn’t know anything, mainly because he can’t/won’t read.  I assume it’s the untreated ADHD thing. He apparently can’t sit still and focus long enough to read anything beyond a dinner menu.  Even there, I’ll bet he can’t stay focused beyond the triple cheeseburger and fries whopper. So, imagine him trying the read the Declaration of Independence, or the Constitution, or any history book, or much of anything that explains our government. See, we know he doesn’t even understand his own business, since he has failed so many times. He starts a fake university and then when he gets called out because it’s fake, he just bumbles along and gets out of the way.  But it seems the same with almost anything he has begun. He seems to think if he’s in charge of something, it means he can do anything he wants. And if it fails, then someone else will come along and pick up the pieces.

So, when he achieved the Presidency (Emperorhood??) he had no idea what that actually meant. Only that, he was in charge of something called the United States Government.  Which meant, of course, that he now could really do anything he wanted with, to and about the thing called The Government.  So, when he appoints Jared to “fix” the Middle East mess, and “reorganize” the Federal Government, he has no idea what that means, only that it seems like it’s something that might be fun to do. And surely Jared can handle that, along with managing his own businesses.  Since he doesn’t actually do anything, aside from telling other folks what he wants done, he doesn’t know how anything works.  Telling Jared to fix the Middle East is not unlike me telling my 6-year old grandkid to fix the fucked up global banking system. It would be funny if not so tragic and so dangerous.

That’s the problem. President Doofus doesn’t really understand anything. So when he says, tariff wars are a good thing and easy to win, he really has no idea what he is saying.  It’s just words tumbling out of his mouth in some vaguely understandable order. But he might as well be speaking in Icelandic, for all he understands what he just said.

See, then the real problem begins. Because people begin to treat what he says seriously. And at least a few of the people who are within his neighborhood (e.g., the White House) have an understanding that what he just said has potential consequences and that those consequences might not be all that great for America.  If people abroad find what he said threatening, they will begin to utter threatening words in response. And then he will begin twittering in response, as any annoyed two-year old would do.

You might imagine, even in this less than perfect world in which we live, that there might be some actual adults in the room who could step in to address his inanities.  But if they did, he would just fire them and/or insult them so that they would quit.

And what about Congress you might ask? Won’t they step in and tell him that his latest idea is less than wonderful? Well, no, there is nobody left in Congress with a functioning brain. Paul Ryan is too busy trying to eliminate Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid. So he has a Do Not Disturb sign on his office that is permanently affixed.  And Mitch? Yeah, Mitch . . . hahahahahahahaha. He actually has no functioning brain, but you knew that.

And the Dems mainly sit on the sidelines sucking their thumbs and asking for $5.00. Ivanka anyone?

So, meanwhile, back at the ranch, we folks called citizens are just watching the latest TV utterances and pouring ourselves another drink. Maybe we can stay drunk long enough not to notice when President Doofus decides to nuke San Francisco . . . just cuz he can, don’t you know.

Happy hour every hour. Drink on me hearties.