Suicide Ideation

Suicide Ideation: I heard this term today from someone. It caused me to think about the end of life thing. Suicide means that you end your own life prematurely.  Life, actually, eventually ends your life, whether you like it or not.  And there is no meaning to any of it, life . . . death . . . unless you personally attach your own values or meaning to it.

I suppose there is this point about being deeply religious. It gives you an explanation for death, and even, sometimes, for life.  Religion often informs people of why they are here, and, also, what happens after life ends.  Mostly, such folks have great expectations for the “what happens after” thing.  You know, you climb into a bus, and the bus driver takes you to the gates . . . you know, those pearly gates thingie. And then the big guy formally decides whether you are staying there, and he (always a “he”) opens those gates, allowing you to enter, or he shakes his head and says, um, no, you are going to take the down elevator to Hell. Sorry, but you really didn’t pass muster down there on Earth.  And if you used to be good enough, you get assigned to a cloud, a harp and a friendly group of family and friends. Then you also get to oversee the folks not yet dead (remember at many funerals, the dude in charge often comments that, “he is in a better place and is looking down upon you now”. To be honest, that never seemed much fun, looking down on all the dudes and dudettes down below doing their thing and having fun, or not, while you just float up there observing.

Whereas those of the non-religious persuasion believe that life simply ceases, and nothing follows . . . nothing.  I have observed this belief several times in these pages, about my best understanding of the end of life.  You simply stop “being”. And you don’t know it, because your brain ceases to function.  All awareness just stops, and nothing follows. Again . . . and you don’t know it.  So, at one level, my concept is scary . . . that not knowing it thing. What will it be like, no longer seeing anything, because your brain stops working? At another level, though, it simply is, not scary or not wonderful. Neither emotion fits. But, because there is no Hell in my view, there is no longer anything to scare you about the end.

But my view also precludes any serious thoughts of suicide. Because, I guess, my life has been a mixed bag, but has been on average way better than it might have been, given my beginnings—great family, lots of exciting happenings throughout, beauty aplenty. Sure, down times too. But I think that’s the definition of life, some good, some bad, on average at least interesting.  I was created during the Great Depression (why would anyone create a kid during the Great Depression, you might wonder). So, early life was spare. Since daddy refused to do his job (be a father) my mom had to pick up the pieces. So, we survived, because she insisted we survive. And then came that Great War thingie, the war to end all wars, or WW II for short.  That was clearly a mixed bag. Scarcity, folks elsewhere being killed routinely, a relative or two going off to foreign climes, and then that happened. And I grew up, thanks to my caring mom. Several trips to the hospital to correct street happenings, but I survived.  We all mostly survived, despite the mental and physical bruises . . . leaving scars you never quite forget.  But life continues, and that is the definition of life after all. You get to kick the crap aside and just get on with it, to extract all the good juices you can.

So, when anyone talks about suicide, I have to believe they haven’t been thinking straight. I guess it is possible to focus all the time on the bad stuff in life. And almost everyone has some bad stuff to remember. But life really is a balancing act. And you, each and every one of us, has to do the balancing. If you understand that bad stuff will happen, but that you just need to get on, so as to grab the golden rings of life, you will survive the bad and the good. And then at some point, it all ends anyway. But, you really don’t want it to end until you really have sucked life dry. You need to get all the good stuff, ignoring the crap as much as possible (that includes the Trumps of the world) and live it to its fullest end point. That is what life is really all about. Life is all about beauty and laughter. Yeah, it includes ugly and crying (see Trump), but that’s just crap to be kicked aside. You cannot let the uglies dictate your life. Instead, let the beauty and the laughter be your life. Let you dictate your life.  There really are evil people in the world (see Nazi’s) and they really do screw up many lives. But if you’re lucky, you can maneuver around the ugly people and head to the light. When it ends and everything turns dark, you want to be smiling if at all possible.

So, should suicide cross your mental map, walk right on, ignore it. Only you can decide how you want life to proceed. And proceed it will. Let the sun shine in. And smile.